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Some Biblical Humor…

So, I’m trying this thing called actually obeying the Sabbath… we always think of the Sabbath as, I have to go to church service on “Sunday” or I’m a sinner. At least that’s how I always felt, when growing up in Southern Illinois. But that’s the religion view, for if there isn’t a service, there isn’t a religion.

But what about the Relational side of the Sabbath? The Sabbath as a day or rest, a day of time with God? In Germany, it’s illegal to cut your grass around your house on Sundays. Your neighbors will actually call the cops on you.

Well, so today was an “All Day to God” type thing. I woke up, got ready, and turned off my phone, heading off to my personal mountain of God (we won’t go into where that is because it’s a personal thing).

Once there, I noticed several very interesting verses, some humorous, some not in the Christian norm, and some others.

So we typically don’t associate Christians with violence, right? Well I mean BESIDES the crusades. Well, check this verse out.

Then Samuel said, “Bring King Agag to me.” Agag arrived full of smiles, for he thought, “Surely the worst is over, and I have been spared!” but Samuel said, “As your sword has killed the sons of many mothers, now your mother will be childless.” And Samuel cut Agag to pieces before the Lord at Gilgal. 1 Samuel 15:32-33

How was that one? A PROPHET cut a king to pieces “BEFORE THE LORD”…. God was watching, and Samuel is like, slice, slice and dice…

Now for some HUMOR…

This one might test your dictionary knowledge…

In the meantime, Saul’s daughter Michal had fallen in love with David, and Saul was delighted when he heard about it. “Here’s another chance to see him killed by the Philistines!” Saul said to himself. But to David he said, “I have a way for you to become my son-in-law after all!” Then Saul told his men to say confidentially to David, “The king really likes your, and so do we. Why don’t you accept the king’s offer and become his son-in-law?” When Saul’s men said these things to David, he replied, “How can a poor man from a humble family afford the bride price for the daughter of a king?” When Saul’s men reported this back to the king, he told them, “Tell David that all I want for the bride price is one hundred Philistine foreskins! Vengeance on my enemies is all I really want.” but what Saul had in mind was that David would be killed in the fight. David was delighted to accept the offer. So before the time limit expired, he and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines and presented all their foreskins to the king. So Saul gave Michal to David to be his wife. 1 Samuel 18:20-27

Okay, the question is, does anyone know what a “foreskin” is? I’ll give you a hint, it has something to do with circumcision…if you still don’t know, go to dictionary.com and type in “foreskin”. lol. Trust me, you’ll get a laugh.

And some more humor… or maybe sadness? We’ll see…

(Some back Story… okay so above, David married Michal. Then Saul and David had issues, and David fled for his life by the prompting of Michal. So then Saul gave Michal to another guy, Palti. So now Michal is David’s ex-wife and she’s married to Palti. Saul is now dead, and David is negotiating with Saul’s old general…..ACTION!) Then Abner sent messengers to David, saying, “Let’s make an agreement, and I will help turn the entire nation of Israel over to you”.” “All right,” David replied, “But I will not negotiate with you unless you bring back my wife Michal, Saul’s daughter, when you come.” David then sent this message to Ishbosheth, Saul’s son: “Give me back my wife Michal, for I bought her with the lives of one hundred Philistines.” So Ishbosheth took Michal away from her husband Palti. Palti followed along behind her as far as Bahurim, weeping as he went. Then Abner told him, “Go back home!” So Palti returned (home). 2 Samuel 3:12-16

So Palti is married to Michal, who knows if he even knows she used to be married, then suddenly, the general is like, “Okay, sorry but I’m giving your wife to her ex-husband.” and so Palti is so sad, he’s following behind the caravan that is going to David’s, and he’s weeping. So The general Abner, turns around, points back towards his house, and says “Go Home, Palti!” and he turns around and walks off his head down towards the ground….. tough luck poor guy.

Hope you enjoyed that. ha ha.

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